Now don't get me wrong. I like a blueberry as much as the next man. Dashed good taste to the little blighters but chaps... it's distinctly un-British to allow them to surpass the raspberry and the strawberry as the nation's most loved berry fruits.
I was having a quick snifter at the Surfeit of Lamprey with fellow drinkers, Nigel Snipe-Razzel and Geoffrey Loosley-Gaye when my eye was caught by an article in the Times.
"What ho!?" I yelled, waving the offending headline in front of them. I can tell you that Geoffrey spluttered into his beer so much the poor fellow nearly drowned.
"It'll be blueberry jam at breakfast, next!" Nigel Snipe-Razzel shook his head, coating everything around in a fine spray of hair oil.
"Never" I banged my fist on the bar, waking old Ted Gracecrease who blinked and asked if "that Randall fellow had gone in yet" "Never!" I continued "Maddy would never abandon her Tiptree marmalade and as for Hildebrande, the PMs office would be under siege at the mere suggestion"
My erstwhile colleagues nodded and murmured supportively. I pondered on the matter later and I have to tell you, I am concerned.
If you thought the advent of McDonalds and this US backchat was the beginning of the end, the blueberry is at the much more pervasive end of this wedge. We may bemoan the fate of the tart and seedy gooseberry as much as we want... Obama's army is winning this invasion of the British cultural territory and nobody has even asked if it is illegal.
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